Being A Young, Married, Christian Woman

It is the year 2020. We are in a new decade, there is now a law that people can choose between marriage or domestic partnership, and according to statistics, 60% of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce.

I got married at 23 years old.

My husband was 25 years old.

According to an article I read on young marriages, "If you're a woman, until you reach 24 or 25, your risk of divorce is much, much higher than if you wait to get marriage until 24 or older." (Teen Vogue). Does this mean I believe that I will get divorced within the next 10 years? Definitely not. But this article was written in a magazine designed for teenagers. TEENAGERS. What is this article, along with statistics and new laws, ultimately doing? Scaring people away from marriage.

Let me give you a real conversation I have had with someone after telling them I am married:

Someone: "You're too young to be married."

Me: "When should I have gotten married then?"

Someone: "After you have graduated from college."

Me: "I have already done that." Someone: (shocked) "Well, maybe when you're older and settled."

Me: "So, being married at 23 means I am not old enough to make this decision?"

Someone: "That's not what I meant."

Me: "That's okay if it was."

In a different article I read, it is stated, "Marriage has become more about status than necessity." (Fatherly). Simply put, this means many people my age ONLY get married when they have done one or more of the following: Graduated college, have a good job, their partner having a good job, living in a house, etc. I am going to admit, my husband and I fell into this fear about not having any of these things before getting married. We both agreed it would be best to get married after we graduate and we did, 3 weeks after. But then we realized, marriage is not about this.

Marriage is NOT about status or necessity. It is NOT about who has the highest paying job, where you live, or what is in your bank account. Marriage is about GLORIFYING CHRIST.And how can one glorify Christ through their marriage? This can happen by living what His Word speaks, according to Ephesians 5:21-33:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

This biblical passage has brought A LOT of controversy but it is the essence of marriage. There are times when many of the words used in these verses are taken away from their original meaning. One of the many words used in this verse, and it is the first word used, is

SUBMIT.

In whichever way one uses the word, it is a word many people, especially women, do not like to hear. Why? Because it has been abused and misused for centuries. According to the Google Dictionary, the meaning of the word submit is:

"accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person."

Reading this definition and reading the verses above, the word submit already gives a wrong impression to biblical passage. This definition gives the impression that our society and our culture wants to give. However, it does not do any justice to what God is actually saying in his Word. By reading this piece of scripture in context, the word submit is not as scary as reading the definition above. Once fully understanding what it means to submit, we can see how we will be able to use it to honor God.

Submission is rooted in our call to imitate the selfless love of Christ. Although I chose these specific verses as I am speaking about marriage, we have to remember the whole chapter as it is part of the context of these verses. Many Bibles, such as my ESV (English Standard Version) bible separates verse 21 from verses 22-33, however, it is connected with the rest of the chapter and should be read with the rest of the chapter as it all speaks on submission. If we look back to Ephesians 5:1-2, Paul states, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loves us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." These verses show how man and woman flow out of imitating Christ Himself. It shows us how God has created us all EQUAL and views us as EQUAL. God will not go back on His showing of equality by using the wrong context of the word submit. If you believe this to be true, you don't believe in the God of the Bible, which is the God of truth.

If you do not read the chapter in its context, these verses can be read out of context because it can be mishandled by those who do not fully understand what the Lord is saying through Paul, the writer of Ephesians. One of the many verses that people forget to include in this biblical passage is verse 21:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Ephesians 5:21 shows us MUTUAL submission between both husband and wife. Unfortunately, this verse is rarely brought up when speaking on the other verses that follow. Why? Because people want to abuse the Word of God and use the following verses to benefit themselves. As previously stated, submission is rooted in our call to imitate the selfless love of Christ. This verse speaks to the responsibility of both men and women: we must submit to one another and by submitting to one another, we are acting selflessly and living like Christ. It is important to connect Ephesians 5:21 and 22 because by submitting to one another, we are showing respect (reverence) for Christ's authority and His sacrifice on the cross for us. This goes with the next verse, Ephesians 5:22-24:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

This is the part many women in today's society have trouble grasping. Women are called to submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord. This DOES NOT mean we treat our husbands like they are our gods. Before we submit to our husbands, we must understand what it is to fear the Lord. Fearing the Lord will ultimately help us to be submissive to our husbands. Fearing the Lord does not mean being scared of God. Fearing the Lord, for example, "... can be like a child fearing their father or mother. The child has a lot of respect for their father or mother and wants to please them. He has a fear or an anxiety of offending the one he loves, not because he is afraid of punishment, but because he is afraid of disappointing the one who is the source of security and love," (R.C. Sproul). Submissiveness to your husband is not to please your husband but to please the Lord. You do not do it to glorify your husband, you do it to glorify Christ.

Also by understanding the context of the chapter and understanding that submission is called for both husband and wife, we begin to understand that the submission of wives is not like the obedience of children to their mothers and it also does not command all women to submit to all men, rather just wives to their husbands. We already know that both genders are created EQUAL in God's image. The submission being described in these verses is to the husband's leadership for the health of the marriage. When Paul refers to the husband as, "head of the wife as Christ is head of the church," it means that the husband has authority over his wife.

Before the attacks begin, let me explain!

Again, this verse can be misused and abused in different marital relationships (even in committed relationships leading to marriage) and it can ultimately lead to divorce. The husband being the head of the wife or head of the household does not mean that the wife is enslaved to him. We see that a husband being head of the wife is compared to Christ being the head of the church. Did Christ treat His church with disrespect? Did Christ treat His church with abuse? Did Christ abandon His church? To all of these questions, NO. Instead, what did Christ do? He was a leader that took care of His people's spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. What does this mean? By husbands being the head of the wife, they need to take care of her SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL NEEDS. The manner in which the church submits to Christ, which should be in obedience, commitment, and being selfless, is the same manner in which a wife is to submit to her husband. This is how we as women can GLORIFY CHRIST in our marriages.

Now, let us read the role of the husband in Ephesians 5:25-33:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

It is evident the difference of role from men and women. Men have the role to love their wives as Christ loves the church. How did Christ show his ultimate love for his church? He SACRIFICED Himself to forgive us for our sins. He has given us eternal life. Men are given the role to sacrifice themselves for their wives. This can mean many things such as giving up the things they love the most to fulfill the needs of their wives. For example, my husband loves his Soccer Saturday's. But if we haven't seen my mom in a while, he will give it up to go visit her. Another way of sacrifice for their wives is by being forgiving not matter how imperfect his wife may be. Husbands are to take care of their wives, just as Christ took care of the church.

Take a look at our society. We see many men who have left their role and responsibility that God has established, such as abandoning their families, men abusing women, and/or the abuse of authority. So many people have experienced this in their families, relationships, with friends and this leads to women taking the role of men and abandoning the role given to them from God, although not by choice. This is part of the reason why many women do not believe there is equality. But this is not the biblical foundation that marriage is based on. Abandoning the roles that God has given us is abandoning the truth God has given us, for both men and women. Abuse of authority for men is NOT of God. Women rising up and over-stepping men is NOT of God. This is purely from the enemy. God has already established our roles and we already know that God speaks truth.

Who are we to defy God?

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" (Romans 9:20)

We have to begin to understand that many things happening in this world are not of God. The devil's purpose is to come steal, kill and destroy this world (John 10:10). Divorce is NOT of God. Feminism is NOT of God. Machismo (exaggerated masculinity) is NOT of God. These are all tactics of the devil that wants to separate marriages. The purpose of marriages is to GLORIFY GOD and we are not doing so if we continue to believe what the devil's lies.

Do not let the statistics scare you. Do not let society scare you. Do not let the devil scare you. Marriage is the highest institution that God has established among His people. Why? Because marriage represents Christ and His bride, which is the church. Christ, as the groom, dwelt among us and served the church in submission by giving His life for His church, His people. As He has given up His life, now the church has to submit towards Christ in being obedient and living for His glory.

When we understand the BEAUTY of God's sovereign design for marriage, we live to glorify Christ in our marriage. Despite the imperfections, our sins, and what society tells us, all which seek to taint God's original design, we are hopeful and confident that when we live according to God's word, our marriages will

GLORIFY CHRIST.